CONFLICT | MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
MATTHEW 5:9 BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS, FOR THEY SHALL BE CALLED SONS OF GOD
KEY SCRIPTURES
Family, God’s design:
Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
14 The Lord God said to the serpent,
“Because you have done this,
cursed are you above all livestock
and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
and dust you shall eat
all the days of your life.
15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel.”
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.”
17 And to Adam he said,
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
20 The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. 21 And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.
Ephesians 5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,
Ephesians 5:21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
KEY POINTS
REASONS FOR CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE
- God’s Design for Marriage is not known. Imagine building a house without blueprints. Yet we are attempting the most difficult relationship in the world without knowing God’s Design.
- Marriage and Family is to reflect something of the Heavenly Family, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. (Gen 1:26) Made in His image “Let Us”, says God. We are made relational as God is relational. The way the Trinity relates to each other is our model. Father loves the Son and reveals everything He is doing. The Son out of love for His Father submits to all He says, and does not act on His own initiative. The Holy Spirit magnifies the Son, taking what is from the Son and giving it to us. The Relational Model: Other-Person centeredness.
- Diversity within the Trinity is also in the Marriage. (Gen 1:27,28) “male and female He created them”. Equality and Unity exists in the Trinity, but there is difference in their roles and functions. (Gen. 2:18) “a helper suitable”
- Suitable: opposite arc corresponding to complete into a whole.
- Helper: word used 3 times of God as Helper of Israel; of Holy Spirit in N.T.
- Couples are to leave and cleave, (Gen. 2:24)
- Loyalty first and foremost to marriage relationship
- Indissoluble Bond (be joined together for life). Covenant Love to the end.
- Total transparency, total acceptance. “naked and unashamed”
- God’s Design is good, but the participants are deeply flawed (Gen. 3:1-21)
- Sin enters in, Adam and Eves’ fundamental relationship changed from other-centeredness to self-centeredness, turned in on self, self aware, need to hide from each other and God. Shame, guilt, fear, self absorption, discomfort with being known and accepted. Craves it but hard to give it.
CURE for CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE
- God’s provision for clothing us in forgiveness; a life for a life. (Gen. 3:21) Picture of the coming Christ and His atonement.
- God’s provision for reversing the curse of self-centeredness; “being filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18) and offer your spouse what they need most (Eph. 5:33) love and respect.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- Have you studied God’s design for marriage by reflecting on how God relates within the Trinity?
- Have you accepted your spouse as a gift from God with their differences?
- How aware are you of your own self-centered nature in your relating? Do you desire to be understood more than you want to understand your spouse?
- What do you need more then, to be understood, or forgiveness and transformation? What are God’s provision for these needs?